IF YOU DO NOT FORGIVE

“Then Peter came up and said to Him, ‘Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?’ Jesus said to him, ‘I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times…So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:21-22, 35)

When I was around 20 or 21 I was driving to a Bible study and as I drove I was praying. As I was praying, I found myself asking the Lord to help me to love like He loved; specifically, I wanted to love people like Jesus loved people. But as soon as the words went through my mind, I found myself immediately struck by the seriousness of what I was asking; to love like Jesus is no small matter. My prayer was genuine, but what I was asking was far more significant than just simply being a nicer person.

Jesus’ love for people took sacrifice, for one. “For God so loved the world that He gave His Only Son…” (John 3:16a) His love for people took humble service, as well, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45) But Jesus’ love for people also took constant mercy and forgiveness. After all, when you are the Perfect God Incarnate, surrounded by the sin of humanity, and even constantly sinned against, it is mercy and forgiveness that causes Jesus to show compassion and not judgment. And for me, that is one of the hardest things about wanting to be like Jesus.

In the passage above, after Jesus has given direction on handling sin between fellow believers, and in particular in the context of a local church (Matthew 18:15-20 is one of the “Church Discipline” passages in Scripture), Peter pipes up with a question that I think is, at the very least, partly genuine, even if mixed with a false sense of humility. In those previous verses, Jesus makes an implication that Peter catches: when dealing with sin between people, forgiveness is necessary if restoration is ever going to be possible. Peter understands that if you are going to point out the faults of others, and in particular when those faults are sins against you personally, then this implies that you are going to have to be ready to forgive. And this is what leads to Peter’s question:

“…how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him?” (v.21b)

Peter is looking for a max amount he is “supposed” to forgive until it isn’t required anymore. And Peter actually answers his own question: “As many as seven times?” In ancient Jewish culture, ‘3’ was seen as a high amount of forgiveness. So, when Peter picks ‘7’, it’s as if he is stating that he is willing to forgive to an extent that is above and beyond what is expected and required. Peter may have thought that was a high number, but it didn’t even come close to what Jesus declared:

“I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.” (v.22b)

Jesus here is not saying that the “magic” number is 77, as if we are meant to keep a tally and cut people off as soon as they reach that number. The point that Jesus is making is that God’s expectation on us, when it comes to forgiveness, is infinitely higher than what we would want or like. If fact, Jesus then tells a parable to describe how far short our willingness to forgive is, when compared to God’s. And Jesus wants to ensure that we understand exactly what is required of us, in particular as believers and followers of Jesus.

At the end of the parable Jesus makes a concluding statement that I believe is one of the most sobering comments of His ministry. In this parable he compares the responses of two different servants. One servant had a debt towards his Master that was essentially millions of dollars and another servant had a debt to his fellow servant that was thousands of dollars. The Master forgave the first servant out of mercy, but then in a shocking twist that servant showed no mercy to his fellow servant, though the debt was far, far less. And at the end of the parable, the Master took the first servant and judged him fully because of his lack of compassion, merciless response and ungrateful attitude that he showed to others. Jesus then declared:

“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.” (v.35)

Here’s the point that Jesus was making. We have all sinned against God. We all had a GREAT debt to the LORD. But because of what Christ has done, God has shown us mercy and our great debt has been paid in full by another (and essentially canceled for us). One of the fundamental truths of the Scriptures is this: no one has sinned against us more than we have sinned against God; and yet He graciously, compassionately, mercifully forgave us. And now we are called and commanded to show that kind of mercy towards others who, yes, may have sinned against us, but to an infinitely less degree. The sin of others against us, whether we realize it or not, is far less serious and significant to how we have sinned against God. And yet, He has shown us great mercy.

So, what does this mean for us? If we want to be like Jesus (and many, if not most, of us likely do), then this is the standard that is placed on us. We are called to forgive like Jesus forgives—fully and from the heart (meaning that we actually mean our forgiveness; it’s real). This will take sacrifice; this will take humility; this will take a willingness to show grace and mercy, especially when we have been hurt deeply. This is how Jesus treated people. You see, when Peter asked how much forgiveness he must show others, Jesus’ response was basically, “How much forgiveness has God shown you?” Because that’s our standard.

And if that doesn’t convince you to forgive others like Jesus has forgiven you, then perhaps you need to reflect deeply on those sobering words from Jesus once again:

“So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive from your heart.”

I don’t always want to forgive. But I do want “to want” to forgive like Jesus. And in the times when I don’t want to, it is verses like these that remind me that I am not given that option. I can choose to treat others how I feel they deserve to be treated because of their sin against me. In fact, that’s how most in our world (and even many Christians) respond to people. But this is a

great danger that we must recognize. In some way, though it is partly veiled in the mystery of God’s sovereignty and my accountability, Jesus is clear here that if I withhold forgiveness of others, God the Father will treat me how I deserve to be treated because of my sin against Him.  

Forgiveness is not easy, nor does it always feel good, but I can guarantee that it is far better swallow your pride now and show forgiveness “from the heart”, than it will be to face God’s judgment.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)